As I am packing my bags to go and mingle with the best of the best of bloggers this week in an attempt to grow my website and social media presence into something more, I’ve been thinking a lot about something professional women all over the world worry about: how I’m going to look.
I can do professional. I can do day to day.
But what I cannot do is makeup. I can pluck my eyebrows, shave my legs, moisturize, and get my nails done but I couldn’t tell you what I might do for foundation (?) or maybe contouring, is that still a thing? So I’m going to rely on my outfits and my professionalism and not the latest “lippie.”
Here’s the thing though. I’m fat. Sometimes I feel okay about that, sometimes I let society get me down, but always I want to feel comfortable when I put anything on my body. So when I saw that the Hilton Orlando Bonnet Creek had an amazing pool and lazy river, my mind was reeling.
I love pools and being in the water, but how can I go out in a bathing suit among all these beauty bloggers? All these super mom bloggers? Being there alone and as one of the very few bookish bloggers, and terrified and nervous to boot, one of the things that might throw me into an introverted tailspin would be side-eyes at my thunder thighs.
The cruelty launched towards fat women is a tragedy for the ages. That I am looking at floating around in the sun while relaxing and the only thing I can think is whether I’ll offend others with my appearance is really depressing.
So I sat down tonight and I decided that everyone can go jump in a lake. The beauty of this conference for me is that no one knows me. I can make myself into whatever I wish. If I want to be confident and powerful and awesome, I can be that. I’ve spent years and years bowing my head, trying not to make waves to survive in the jobs I’ve had. I need to go into this with my head held high to show the world that I am here and while I might be afraid, I am not weak.
That’s me! I can do professional, I can do every day, and now I can do beach and pool! I am going to be brave and be awesome and bring this bikini with me to the Hilton! And because I want to feel comfortable walking about when I’m not in the pool, I ordered this from Swimsuits For All too!
I absolutely love the feel of it and it makes me feel like I have wings! #AngryAngelPoolside 🙂
Something that we’ve talked about here on this site before, but I want to continue to come back to is the idea that no matter what your size, no one has the right to shame you. You have the right to be happy. You have the right to feel comfortable and beautiful. This conference is a kind of rebirth of who I am and what I love, and that should be not only be about my mind and talents, but about my body as well. So I am going to bolster myself with optimism, reach out to my fellow lady (and some men!) bloggers and trust that we are all there to lift each other up and support the success of our community.
I leave in two days! Yikes! I’ll finish up my packing tomorrow, but not before I finish practicing for the lazy river. See you there!