The After Times-Picayune

Welcome to the After Times-Picayune, where we cover all things in The After Times!

This week:

  1. California is on fire! Fires and tropical storm force winds are ravaging the counties of Napa and Sonoma (northern California) and some of the images are just devastating. Cars are overturned and basically turned into charcoal, homes are just…gone, disappeared, and already 15 are dead and dozens more unaccounted for. So I’m definitely glad we spent the first part of the week trying to decide whether Rex Tillerson, the Secretary of State, called Trump a moron or a fucking moron. (pic not photoshopped, this is an actual picture of my TV in the midst of MSNBC’s nightly news lineup.
  2. Sexual assault is being punished! Harvey Weinstein or The Weinstein Company (Good Will Hunting, Django Unchained, The King’s Speech) was fired from his own company this week because many, many, MANY women came forward to tell their stories about his decades of sexual harassment and abuse. The link provided is from The New Yorker and shares some of the victims’ stories. I would make sure you are in a place where you can be shocked and disgusted before you read it.
  3. Will we or won’t we with North Korea? I GUESS WE’LL FIND OUT. With such notable quotes as “only one thing will work” and “I guess you’ll find out soon” and “this is the calm before the storm,” Trump reminds us that behind all the Tweets and corruption there are nuclear weapons and he’s still the president. But if there’s something you want to “stay tuned” about it’s either Real Housewives of *insert city here* or WW3, amirite?
  4. Puerto Rico is still a disaster area and our president threw paper towels at them. If you don’t understand what this might be like, imagine having no power, no water to drink, no food, no internet, your house is destroyed or flooded, and your fucking idiot president just threw you a roll of generic brand paper towels and said “have a good time!” I’M ANGRY AND I’M NOT EVEN THERE HOW WAS THERE NOT AN IMMEDIATE RIOT oh yeah these people are hungry and thirsty and hot and tired and scared and probably didn’t have the energy to start one.
  5. GIANT SNAKE FOR DINNER: Okay fine this was last Thursday but JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU IMAGINE CATCHING AND KILLING A SNAKE THAT BIG? IT’S THE FUCKING BASILISK FROM HARRY POTTER AND THEY ARE GOING TO PIG ROAST IT. “It may not be able to see you, but it can still hear you.” “Okay, nightmare luau.” LOOK AT IT’S FUCKING MOUTH. Jesus our world is fucking terrifying.

Honorable mention: My post from last week about gun control and the Las Vegas shooting.

From big fires to big jerks, big storms to big snakes, we have all things you need from this week, here in your After Times-Picayune! See you next week when we’ll discuss another assortment of the inevitable fresh horrors that are sure to grace our reality!

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