I am an advocate of therapy. I have excellent coping mechanisms, but even I am not strong enough to get my brain through all the iterations of cat’s cradle necessary to get through all of life’s bullshit. So whether it’s a few months or a few years in between I always return to an office where I get asked leading questions that help untangle my fishing reel of a mind to start back at square 1 again.
I’m in between visits right now, but things are starting to get dark for me again so I’m starting to bring in methods learned in my last set of visits. Since I’m feeling like the world is trash and there is nothing to look forward to, one of the things I was taught to do is to list and focus on things that make me happy. This is difficult for me because I do so little outside of work, but this week I’m gonna give optimism and positivity the good old college try and share some things that bring me joy.
Goddamn do I love me some McDonalds. A couple of weeks ago I bought a Mc Pick Two with a Double Cheeseburger and a 6 piece McNugget and one of the McNuggets had a chicken wing bone in it and I DM’d them on Twitter and they took care of it right away and I have an envelope coming my way in the mail with coupons and it’s gonna be a McDonalds early Christmas for meeeeee thanks chicken bone that didn’t crack my tooth before I had health insurance back!
I don’t care if their menu is tiresome as fuck all, if I get a seat that is 100% mine and a bathroom made for kings PLUS NO CHILDREN I will gladly fork over the $16 for the ticket, even if I don’t get any food. But LOL who am I kidding I’m at least going to get the large popcorn that will give me diarrhea later! LIVE, NISSEN, LIVE! And I can always smuggle a few McDoubles and a small fry in with me in the pockets of my cargo shorts YOU HEARD ME, I SAID WHAT I SAID.
I do not regret getting married and I love my husband and pets but I need like one day and one night at a hotel once a quarter to clear my head without noise and talking and expectations and obligations and etc etc etc because being alone is one of my absolute favorite things and I miss it so much sometimes. It’s why I love driving in my XTerra so much: it’s just me and Beyonce’s Lemonade album and my medium fry for the 15 minutes it takes me to get home. Our house is okay and awesome because of the pool, but the rooms are small and there isn’t much room for being apart, so it can get a little tense sometimes.
One of the best Christmases I ever had was in 2008 in Bloomington, Indiana when I picked out my own live Christmas tree and decorated it, bought what I wanted to eat, and spent the holiday completely and blissfully alone. I woke up when I wanted, listened to music and watched the shows I wanted to watch, ate what I wanted to eat, and in general just lazed about. I think I even drove out to a KFC and got a 20 piece family fill up and ate on that for a couple days too. It was quiet and I was free. I’m just saying I would love to have just a few days of that once in awhile now.
I mean, this is obvious but you would be surprised at how difficult it is to find a quiet space to read, either physical or mental space. I do not believe that audiobooks are reading (it’s someone telling you a story, you’re not reading it), and I can’t pay attention long enough to use them anyway so I read, but as already mentioned our rental house is very tiny and there isn’t a good place to go and get lost in a book. So I’m asking for a pair of noise cancelling headphones for Christmas so that no matter where I am, I can put those on and be able to concentrate.
What brings you happiness? What can you hold onto in these times of insanity? Let me know in the comments.