The After Times-Gazette-Picayune

Indictments! Look, 2017 has been a giant dumpster fire, so when Mueller’s first indictments were announced on Monday I swear my heart grew 3 sizes. 12 charges to Manafort alone, and while the details seem boring because a lot of it centers around money laundering, white collar crime is so amazing because once you start looking at financial records, it’s so easy to find criminals.

Papadopolous Co-operopolous And the witness no one knew about is George Papadopolous, who plead guilty and has been singing like a beautiful bluebird in spring to Mueller about all the tea. Reports suggest that he may have worn a wire into the meetings he attended with Trump and other advisors. YES GOD. Also, I am not sure how I’m supposed to take anything seriously with anchorpeople saying  Papadopolous every 5 seconds, because it is a very amusing name to hear and say.

The Angriest Librarian Angry Angel Books would like to send a tip of our hat to Alex Halpern who, using profanity and cold hard facts, took a columnist to task for saying public libraries aren’t needed anymore. Public library use is actually on the rise, but you would be surprised at how some people don’t even know how they work let alone how much they are needed. I saw a post on reddit that showed a guy that thought a library card worked like Blockbuster: you get the card for free but then have to pay to rent the books. What kind of level of privilege is that where you are able to buy every book you want to read? Could you imagine being that out of touch with public institutions? Anyways, stay angry Mr. Halpern, and thanks for the backup.

I believe the children are our future An 18 year old white student at the University of Hartford (CT) was expelled recently for “contaminating” her 18 year old black roommate’s belongings and calling her Jamaican Barbie on social media. The contaminations included rubbing bloody tampons on the roommate’s backpack, putting her toothbrush in her vagina, and doing other things with her eating utensils. Her Instagram post (which has since been deleted) included a picture and a caption that read: “After one and a half months spitting in her coconut oil, putting moldy clam dip in her lotions, rubbing used tampons on her backpack, putting her toothbrush places where the sun doesn’t shine, and so much more, I can finally say goodbye to Jamaican Barbie.” THIS SHIT ISN’T GOING TO END WHEN THE BRAINWASHED OLDS DIE OUT, EVERYONE. THIS RACIST SHIT IS ALIVE AND WELL IN THEIR GRANDCHILDREN. THIS IS AMERICA. THESE ARE THE AFTER-TIMES. THERE IS NO FUTURE, ONLY ZUUL.


The After Times-Gazette-Picayune is brought to you by Anger, Fear, Depression, Hope, and the American Way.



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One thought on “The After Times-Gazette-Picayune

  1. The “Jamaican Barbie” incident? Ugh. So fucking disgusting. Originally, it looks like they had only charged the no-good roommate with something piddly until it got public recognition. This is a real problem. The public shouldn’t have to scrutinize every crime before shit is taken seriously. Why are we paying police officers, district attorneys, and everyone in between if we have to investigate the crimes ourselves? Sigh. Where am I?
    I can’t even with anything related to the duck…

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