Stayin’ Alive

Hello angels.

I’m sorry I haven’t been posting recently. I know some of you look forward to my angry rants and my book recommendations and life in general. I love communicating with you through the internet in this way and it brings me a lot of joy.

At some point in October my mother found my blog and began making snarky comments. I marked them as spam and deleted them, but I would be lying if I said that didn’t affect me. At that point, I felt gun shy about posting at all. If you look at my website you’ll notice that things slowed down significantly in October and November, and as of today it has been a couple weeks since I’ve posted anything at all.

I’ve heard the horror stories about writers who face trolls commenting on their websites, but at the young age of 3 I figured my blog wasn’t big enough or mainstream enough to attract them. Goodness knows that I don’t write in a way that would take advantage of any Google algorithms or SEO platforms. But nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel when a woman I have asked to leave me alone began commenting on my posts.

I’ve finished books and I have reviews ready to go. I have a few essays on life in general just sitting in drafts. I hate to admit this, but my anxiety held me back. It takes so much energy for me to get through each day lately that I couldn’t face having someone shit all over something I love and have grown over the past few years. So avoidance crept in, fear crept in, and I waited.

But you, dear reader, cannot wait. You are a friend and a confidant, and reaching out to you each week gives me strength. I cannot allow this to stop me from being me. I can block people and pretend they died but this is still the internet and those people can still find me elsewhere. That is reality. If I want this website and this writer life, I have to put on my strong woman pants and do it anyway.

Depression is a liar and anxiety is too, but as we all know we can’t always be strong enough to resist the lies. I am making a very strong effort to get back on track and I look forward to giving you some enjoyable posts through the holiday season. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you.

 

5 thoughts on “Stayin’ Alive

  1. Just do your posts and moderate the comments or stop the comments once all of us have seen your posts 48 hours or so. You can try that
    Just be yourself, and enjoy your real life, you can also ask WordPress to help…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I really feel for you. That totally sucks. I tell ya what, I’d take troll-y comments from strangers any day over troll-y comments from family. I didn’t self-censor my writing at ALL until those people found me and starting trying to stir up trouble. Now I have to moderate all of my comments on my blog as well. Thanks, family!

    My whole family is toxic as hell and I’ve fought my entire life to be allowed to even exist. Can’t they let us have ANYTHING for ourselves??

    I’m glad you’re back and I’m looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

    Liked by 1 person

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