I remember once when I reviewed I’m Judging You someone accused me of shitting on the coffeehouse floor that we all convene in when I review the books of people that are actually a member of the Facebook group that I love more than my husband, I thought “well, she’s super famous so if she can’t take a ‘eh, it was pretty good’ review then she better thick skin it up.” It wasn’t even a scathing review, it was actually a pretty clear moderate review. So bring the Squatty Potty because Samantha Irby’s ~vintage short~ is out today and holy shit this coffee house is about to be LIT.
Observations I had and resolutions I could probably also stand to get behind.
- I had to put the Kindle down to laugh about “starting a journal” when baby carrots = medium pizza but really it was a large. I did Weight Watchers back in like 2006 and I would stick to that plan like glue and then after the weigh in and meeting I would stop at Dominos on the way back to my apartment to pick up the 2 for $10 medium pizzas I had ordered ahead of time AND EAT THEM BOTH BEFORE I WENT TO BED. #squadgoals
- Live music: Beyonce’s Lemonade album was the only music I listened to in 2016 and I still didn’t buy tickets to her OUTDOOR performance at Raymond James Stadium. SHARE THAT GRUBHUB COUPON
- Cooking classes: I got some of that jam. There is a video of me teaching people how to open and close an actual canned jar someplace on Facebook.
- I have an in-ground swimming pool in my backyard covered by a screened in frame to keep the Florida wildlife out and I still can’t get myself to swim more than twice a week. Oh, I’m sorry. “SWIM” (float around and get skin cancer)
- Start a Book Club: shout out for how thankful I am that this actually occurred
- Listen to more good music: I WANT TO DO THIS but I don’t know how to start. Again, I just listened to Beyonce’s Lemonade album on repeat for most of 2016 so I am pretty sure I missed out on a bunch of cool shit. Hit me up in the comments if you have music recommendations so I can do this.
- Ugh, I need to listen to This American Life too. *sadface* I still haven’t listened to the Lindy West one from when I reviewed Shrill but I have an Amazon Alexa now so I’ll just ask her to play it for me sometime. ALEXA PLAY THIS AMERICAN LIFE – “playing Mozart’s requiem on Spotify” – Oh Alexa…
- Grocery shopping: we have a new thing called Shipt here where someone goes and gets your shit and brings it to you. I am resisting this service because I already work from home and grocery shopping is the only thing that gets me out of the house anymore.
- Cleaning service: we had one at the last house we rented but have been too poor to get it back at this one we rent now so maybe soon I won’t have to scrub out my fucking kitchen sink anymore.
- Improve my credit: omg we’re going to pay off most of our credit cards this year and 3 of them are because I moved my poor ass across the country and then was basically living off them for a year 10 years ago. I can’t wait to get that weight off my shoulder.
Samantha Irby is all of us. She speaks to the garbage human in all of us. Go buy her trash book. 🙂 It’s only 99 cents and so easy! Just click here: NEW YEAR, SAME TRASH
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