I don’t write a lot of movie reviews, mostly because going to the movies the way I like to go to the movies is a little more expensive than I would like, and so I see less movies than I might otherwise.

The husband is a big DC fan. We’ve seen all the newer Justice League efforts, some of which I have talked about here, and so it was a forgone conclusion that we would venture out from our winter den to see Jason Momoa swim around as Arthur Curry.

I’ll start with the negatives first. The CGI in this movie is aggressive. Everything was coated in a thin film of “this isn’t in any way real” which was understandable, yet distracting. Meera’s hair was comically red, when no one else was even close to that brash.

And could someone explain why Willem Dafoe was cast as Vulko?

A character almost exclusively drawn and portrayed as a larger, bald, hulking guy was given to a small, timid, thin Willem Dafoe? Who was in charge of this casting, because I have some questions.

     

He didn’t even have a beard in the movie, and he had a full head of hair. I am confusion.

There were also several slow motion sequences that really made my eyes roll. Slow motion sequences are for explosions. Period. Nothing else.

Other than that this movie was really fun. Jason Momoa is perfect in this role, and other than Dafoe’s casting, all the other characters were perfectly matched. I loved the backstory of his parents, and his dad was adorable (Jango Fett for all you nerd alerts out there). I wish more time had been spent with Atlantis’ history. I still have questions about how the technology they were exploring turned half their population into nightmares (CRAB PEOPLE) but others stayed looking like human bipeds.

The story takes place after the Justice League movie, so Arthur is already famous for his role in saving the world from the scary destiny boxes and the hair band, Steppenwolf. The plot was both lighthearted and intense – Arthur does not want to be king, but is willing to do it to save both the land and sea from the current king’s warmongering – and so he’s continually pressed along his journey, but along they way he interacts with his environment in a very frat-dude-bro way.

I’m sorry, I meant to put all the stuff I didn’t like back there at the beginning, but I have to talk a little bit about the weird (?)villain(?) that King Orm (Arthur’s little brother and the current king) hires to help him start his war against the land. At the very beginning of the movie Arthur saves a submarine full of sailors from a band of pirates that has attempted to take over the sub by shooting the captain. He gets into a fight with the father and son duo that led the pirates, and in the midst of that fight the dad gets caught under a torpedo. The son tries to free him and asks Arthur to have mercy, to which Arthur responds “you kill innocent people, ask the sea for mercy” and climbs out of the sub, leaving them struggling with the rising waters.

I’m not even going to google what this character’s name is, because he eventually becomes Black Manta and that’s all that really matters. My problem lies with the fact that IDGAF about this villain. He has no redeemable features. I don’t even care that he loses his dad because Arthur is 100% correct – they are asshole murderers who wouldn’t have been in that position if they hadn’t been actively trying to be asshole murderer pirates. He’s mad because he blames Arthur for his dad’s death, but that’s not enough for me to find him a compelling villain.

When I watched Black Panther, Killmonger was a villain that I cared about. He was a child whose father was killed due to a difference of opinion about how/whether Wakanda should help black people around the world. Killmonger was fighting to reclaim his birthright that was taken from him by a shady situation. He represented so much more than just his own circumstances. You could empathize with him.

Black Manta is just some snotty, dick kid wanting murder revenge for the death of his murderer father who died as a result of their decision to kill people and help set up a planetary war. They got what was coming to them. Also, in terms of plot, “HE KILLED MY DADDY, I’M GONNA KILL HIM!” is a motivation that is going to get really boring, really quickly. Not to mention that Arthur didn’t kill his dad, he just didn’t help them escape, which I get makes him a little responsible but *shrug*. I don’t read the comics, so I’m not sure whether he’s this petulant there. The husband had to tell me Dafoe’s casting was weird for me to get that, so maybe I’m missing the mark here too, but I don’t think I am.

And while we’re back on things I didn’t like, I am confused about where the makers of the movie think Maine is. Most of the action here takes place on the coast of Maine and yet Atlantis is…where? In the cold waters of the north Atlantic? Wasn’t Arthur in Alaska in Justice League? What were those accents the sailors on the submarine had? Geographically (and this is a small point, I grant you) this movie was all over the place. I know where Maine is, but I don’t think it was something the writers of this script knew.

One more thing – please stop rushing love stories. I didn’t need Mera and Arthur to be a thing in this movie. They didn’t need to kiss and to be honest there was very little chemistry between the two of them throughout the movie. The kiss at the end felt forced and unearned, and while I know they have to be together, it’s a connection that could have been left for a sequel to give the relationship time to build. I didn’t like that it just felt flung into the action because it had to be, not because it should be there.

I liked Aquaman better than Wonder Woman, Batman vs. Superman, and Justice League. I’m sure part of my enjoyment was that it was new to me and I got to enjoy an origin story I had not seen before. In the cartoons Aquaman always seemed like a wimpy, side character to me, so seeing him as a strong, funny, lead character was a nice change. I get who Aquaman is and what his history is and why he’s so grumpy and dumb. It was a fun movie and I’m looking forward to the Flash movie that I think is next. *grabby hands*

NOW GIVE ME A GOOD GREEN LANTERN MOVIE YOU COWARDS. PUT ON YOUR BIG BOY PANTS AND GET BACK OUT THERE AND MAKE ME A LANTERN MOVIE. I DEMAND IT!!

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